Where's Miles? How am I supposed to get anywhere without him? Oh, that's right, I don't have a car and personal driver with a CAP in my real life. That's only part of Book Tour World, along with other people picking up my towels, making my bed and washing my pants. Oh well.
Here are some wonderful things I encountered while I was back in my beloved Australia for the tour.
1. Aussie lady writersTwo of my favourite , pictured above, at a lovely drinks party hosted by my bezzie mate and publisher Julie Gibbs. Left to right Lee Tulloch, Marion von Adlerstein, Julie and moi. My great pal Robert Rosen - Mr Snaparazzi - took the shot.
2 Coin-operated hair straighteners in public loos Image is everything in Sydney and to make sure you never have to worry about your hair getting a little bit mussed up - it can be a bastard on those humid February days - a company called Glide puts coin-operated hair irons in the loos of night clubs and bars. Brilliant.
3. No Starbucks in Melbourne I am reliably informed that all the branches of Starpukes that opened in Melbourne closed down because no one there would drink such foul coffee. Australian coffee is the best in the world - better than Italy. Trust me on this. They use weird UHT (Ultra Horrible Turtle milk) in Italy. In Australia you get the perfect roast on the bean, highly-trained baristas and delicious milk. And the right vessel for each style of coffee. I loathe the tankards you get for lattes in the UK. They should come in medium-sized Duralex glasses.
4. Hako Japanese restaurant This is some of the best Japanese food I have ever eaten in a very groovy Shoreditch style interior. Perfection. 310 Flinders Lane. 03 9620 1881.
It's been a diverse career. Not many people have written for Allure and (the late-lamented...) Gourmet mag.
I've been a magazine editor, an op ed columnist on a broadsheet newspaper, and for years covered the fashion shows in Paris, Milan etc.
But while I shifted between the worlds of food, fashion and current affairs, there was one overriding passion: books.
Now I write them - five novels published, with another due out this year, and several books of journalism.
Here I write about them.